Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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