is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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