I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
