My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
