Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
