I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
