Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
