Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i think itโs okay to see him. you just canโt wind up with his penis in your mouth again
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize