I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
