Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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