I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
