me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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