the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
