Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
