now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
