Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
