So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
