i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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