Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
