sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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