Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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