I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
