Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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