wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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