So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
