Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
