I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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