so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
