i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
