he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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