I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
