Can Purell be used as lube?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We are two peas in an std pod
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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