i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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