in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there was a trapeze. enough said
she told me i tasted like america
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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