I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
