started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
