areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
