I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
