Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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