Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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