i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
