So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Someone signed my nipple.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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