Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
