Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
