sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize