You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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