where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
