You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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