she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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