If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
