Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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