I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My nipple is on Facebook.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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