I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
