is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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