Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
