If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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