there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
