Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
