he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
