Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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