In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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