he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize