Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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