How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
