She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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